Comments and Suggestions from an experienced CGA parent

Thanks to Myra Hudson (Sam '01) for the following perspective:

Welcome to the exclusive club of CGA parents who wish the best for their cadets!

The answer to your concerns is complex, but I'll be happy to share thoughts and perceptions I've gained as a cadet parent. It is very normal for all cadets to question their choice to go to the Academy. And it is not limited to 4/c during Swab Summer. Part of it is being a young person not long out of high school and part of it is being pushed to the extreme in an environment that has constant demands. Part of it is knowing that other kids in colleges and universities have more freedom.

To be accepted to the Coast Guard Academy is an unbelievable honor for the cadet and for the cadet's family. However, one's bursting pride in that very achievement is quickly tested. The rigors of Swab Summer, the heat of the weather, the dreariness of the Academy, the distance from home and everything familiar, the yelling of orders, the tediousness of demanded attention to minute details take over a cadet's every moment. 1/c cadets in the training cadre do not recognize that the 4/c cadet was class president, brilliant athlete, academic record holder, most popular friend, loved son or daughter, community visionary, church youth leader, leading graduate or anything else. They only recognize that they must meld together a collection of high flying achievers from many geographical and social contexts into a team of young people able to direct their collective excellence into an extremely focused goal.

The Coast Guard is no country club. This is not due to some mean spirited conspiracy or lack of vision by CG leaders. It is a reality caused by limited funding. Room telephones, EAGLE, the library collection, sports programs, and the CG fleet--in short, everything Coast Guard--all fall under the auspices of Dept. of Transportation moneys. The other academies are funded by the Dept. of Defense. Academies in that category are fancier, plusher, bigger, splashier and better known. That's a tough realization for CGA parents who want the best for their much loved cadets, and for CGA cadets who must daily live with the impact of a tight budget.

Finally, there is the difficult awareness that we all reach as CGA parents that we have sent our children into a very adult environment far from home and we can no longer intercede for them, hug or touch these sons and daughters whom we love so much, have a parent teacher conference, cheer in the bleachers, or stand up and yell "That's my kid!" Unlike their college and university counterparts, they cannot call or come home to see us on a whim. For those of us who live far from our cadets, this can be heartbreaking when an empty chair appears at the Thanksgiving table where the 4/c cadet should be sitting. "Vacations" aren't...they are simply momentary breaks in the ongoing obligation our children have made to the United States Coast Guard. There is no flex room in reporting back on time and it's possible you won't see your child for 6 months. When our children are sworn in, they have taken the sobering step to defend and protect our country -- not a halfway, sort of choice. I don't know what our son was thinking, but I was profoundly affected. It is an honor for parents, which is tinged with a deep and poignant emotion. We are so very proud yet we grieve, we worry... for our children to aspire for so much and yet for us to lose so much!

Some cadets will choose to leave the Academy before graduation. That is a career choice made by the cadet. It does not mean failure. Other cadets may have to leave the Academy. Whatever the circumstances for leaving, it is not a reflection on parents. Leaving the Academy is a small part of a cadet's entire life to live. It is not an ending, but the beginning of a different path... a trailhead to new possibilities. Meanwhile, for cadets who stay, listening to their frustrations is an important parent role... we are their support team. They feel comfortable and safe with us and we won't yell at them if their floor isn't buffed. Unfortunately, we are left with the complaints and our cadets go back to formation with a happier heart. I took up walking with my neighbor to relieve my anxieties... let go of your worry for your cadet and know that you can't change the Coast Guard. Your child doesn't want to see you storming the doors to the Superintendent's offices no matter how much he or she gripes to you.

Become your cadet's fan club. Here's how:

• Send extra underwear and socks... your cadet spends less time doing laundry and more time memorizing things to be remembered for flawless recitations upon demand.
• Cartoons from your local newspaper or drawn by you... your cadet has not seen anyone with a sense of humor for awhile.
• Daily letters from you, siblings, relatives, neighbors... no one else is saying, "I love you."
• Toothpaste, deodorant, toothbrush, Shout stain remover pads, moleskin, Dr. Scholl's gel shoe inserts, chapstick, insect repellent... Swabs have no time for survival shopping, but you can ease the discomfort.
• "Singing" greeting cards... corny but zany alternatives for the not allowed radios.
• Cookies, sports drink powder, granola bars, trail mix... your cadet survives on comfort food.
• Photographs of family, home, pets... seeing you everyday is the reason your cadet can keep on going.
• Picture postcards of your area... your cadet won't see the same beauty in New London.
• Hometown news... connectivity sustains cadets through homesickness.

Swab Summer is temporary. Soon, other cadets will return from summer breaks and assignments. New roommates are assigned. Sports and clubs begin. Classes commence. Parents' Weekend comes. It gets better.

Try not to read too much into negative E-mail written by other parents. Parents who complain and question the CG are not going to help your state of mind... and that won't let you reflect the love and support you need to shower on your son or daughter at this time. Envision the possibilities ahead when you communicate with him. No job is a perfect fit for any of us. What your cadet gains from the Coast Guard starts with your and his attitude. Help him see the positives!